sesa fic -- for wbearsmom -- Merry/Pippin, PG/PG-13

[danachan.livejournal.com]

Title: Until After
Characters/Pairing: Merry/Pippin
Rating: PG/PG-13
Warnings: Slash, sexual content alluded to
Summary: And, really, it wasn't that he wanted home, but something familiar would be a welcome relief.
Notes: Backup story. Written for wbearsmom. Merry Christmas! I do hope you enjoy!
Also: Thanks to dreamflower02 for the beta.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not by a long shot. But hey, I do like to play.


It wasn't until after they left Rivendell, travelled half across the wild, up through cold and down into darkness, when they found themselves stuck in Moria, that Pippin at last realised that they were in over their heads; and that was unlucky enough, for them all, but they were just hobbits and they hadn't been all that tall to begin. If Pippin told Frodo what he thought, he knew his oldest cousin would only remind him that he and Merry had insisted on coming along; so Pippin told Merry, instead, even if Pippin knew Merry well enough to know that Merry might just say the same thing. Pippin was, of course, right, and Merry said just that – and that left Pippin idle-feeling and restless, and acting like a fool. Pippin was sitting close, close as a conspirator, and Merry kissed him on the cheek; they were conspirators, still, and they were only here because that was what they had insisted on. Why, for all they'd done and seen, Pippin was still somewhat at a loss that Gandalf had let them along.

Pippin didn't want to seem down but he couldn't help but worry. He didn't want Merry to tell him that it was all alright, because he knew Merry really didn't like to lie.

Of course, he could be wrong and it didn't have to be a lie.

It wasn't even that Pippin wanted home, though he did wish for it a bit; but he put his hand on Merry's shoulder and he set a kiss on Merry's cheek, though really, the kiss fell closer to the corner of Merry's mouth.

It did them no good, such worry; and he thought that Merry smiled, and then Merry's mouth was on his, though it was a feather-light touch and nothing more than that. Merry was ages older than Pippin was, and that had stopped meaning much when Pippin had been a tween, too, and Merry nearer to being of age. Merry had had a kissing friend or three, or more than that though Merry, and Pippin had wondered, sometimes, if they had been closer, if Pippin had been faster, if he had tried, just a little, that they might have been able to be kissing friends, too.

Well, they were passing things, and it wasn't like Pippin had one or three, or more, himself. He smiled against Merry's mouth, just for a moment, and then he kissed Merry once more. It was nice and, stars above (wherever they might be), he did like it, so he didn't give Merry a chance to kiss him back, and kissed him once more, this time with more force than before. And, really, it wasn't that he wanted home, but something familiar would be a welcome relief. And if there was anything, anyone, who was so familiar, it would be Merry – Merry, who had been best friend and best cousin for as long as Pippin could recall, though there were those times that Pippin had been an errant tagalong, at the very best. They were here because of Frodo – and it was Frodo, dear old Frodo, who had been the reason that Merry and Pippin had ever had any reason to become more than just cousins; that it was Frodo who had given them reason to be friends.

Merry's mouth tasted like smoke and stone and shadows, but Pippin blamed that on the dark; and a moment after it was sweeter tasted, like the remembered warmth of the summer sun, or apple on the tongue. Pippin didn't feel so out of his sorts, and they kissed a little longer and, Pippin thought, if they had a bit of privacy... well. It was sweet, but there was a driving edge to it, something desperate and familiar; something that Pippin wanted to cling to, to hold onto with what strength he still had. Pippin wasn't the most modest hobbit that there was (really, as Merry already knew, he was somewhat more immodest than the next). But he wanted something else – something more – and in the quiet, they kissed a little longer, touching at their mouths and with their hands.

If Pippin couldn't go home, well, at least he had Merry.

"Get what rest you can, Pippin," Merry told him, his mouth against Pippin's and sweetly wet; and though he tried to, after, Merry's voice Pippin couldn't really sleep.

It wasn't until Lothlorien that they had their chance to do anything more than kiss; and that an odd fumble, them alone and in the wood, sitting up against a great grey tree with a bit of clothing undone and hardly any skin left bare, though just enough for what they sought, with the singing of the elves floating in the air. Merry's mouth had been hot, not cool and sweet like Pippin remembered; and Pippin wanted comfort more than anything else, as he was heartsick and for a good reason. Merry's hand was hot, too, and Pippin clung to him as Merry kissed and touched him and then kissed and touched him more. If it was a bit rough, more than just awkward, well, Pippin decided that they would just need to spend more time at it, to give it better flow.

After that, it wasn't until they were safe at Treebeard's that they really had any time to talk. Treebeard was standing, sleeping, and Pippin heard the falling of water, like rain. He was lying next to Merry, curled against him, and they should have slept and they could have done more than just sleep, but they talked about things, like home and Frodo and how they missed Frodo more than they missed home. It seemed almost silly, that they talk about such things when they knew what they were in the middle of; but it was summer and Merry teased him, the memory of foolishness that was years past. Autumn, and birthdays that Pippin wouldn't-couldn't ever forget. Winter, and Yule at Brandy Hall, as Brandy Hall was known for having the very best festivities for Yule. Spring, again, and – oh. It was spring now, Pippin thought, though it hardly felt anything like spring.

When they could talk no more, there was kiss and there was touch, and Pippin even laughed against Merry's mouth, once, as there certainly was a better flow; but after that, like there really was nothing more that they could do, they both slid into sleep.

Pippin should have known, though he was too good at playing fool; first Merry was taken away (well, it was Pippin who had been taken away, and Merry left behind), and there was darkness and there was death, and it wasn't until after all that that there was light again, and he found Merry wandering in shadow.

He sat in sunlight, with Merry's head upon his lap, and nearly wept through his relief. He stroked Merry's hair, and touched Merry's cheek, and clutched Merry's cold right hand, hoping that Bergil would take his message just as fast as he could.

It wasn't until the day before the day that he would go, that Merry spoke to him again. When he'd found out, first, he'd been hurt and angry and he'd nearly wept. Pippin hadn't ever had his heart broken, but that had driven him very close. But Merry kissed him and made him promise that he would return; and Pippin didn't know if he would be able to hold himself to his word, but he promised Merry anyhow.

And then, he thought that he was dead.

It wasn't until he could breathe and think and speak, and he heard Merry's voice at his ear and then felt Merry's touch against his mouth; and Pippin found that keeping to his word wasn't all that hard as he thought that it would be, and he smiled and he even laughed at the astonished look on Merry's face. He hurt all over, which meant that he couldn't be dead because you shouldn't be hurting after you were dead. Pippin would have touched Merry's cheek, if he could have, but he felt, well, crushed, and he only smiled at him for as long as his strength would let him. Then:

"Oh, I love you, fool of a Brandybuck," he said. "You thought that I would leave."

He wouldn't tell Merry that he thought that he would, too, and that he'd thought that Merry would be along soon enough to join him. Of course, he didn't say much after that, and he fell back into sleep with the echo of Merry's voice ringing in the air.

Comments

[magickalmolly.livejournal.com]

This was beautiful. I adore Pippin's voice throughout all of this. Rambly and young and sad at times, but always Pippin and I'm in awe that you capture it so well.

It's easy to see he's your favorite. *whispers* He's my favorite too.

[danachan.livejournal.com]

Thank you, lovey. And you're right, he is my favourite, and I could tell that he was yours, too. *grin* *hugs*

[wbearsmom.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

This was absolutely wonderful. I loved the Pippin POV, the confusion and needing something to hold on to.

Beautiful gift - thank you so much.

[danachan.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome! When I found out that the replacement story was needed I, uh, wrote this in a very short amount of time. I couldn't handle the thought that someone wouldn't get their story, you know?

And I'm glad you liked it. I'm terribly fond of Merry and Pippin, and don't need much excuse to write about them. And again, you're welcome -- I'm glad I was able to make sure you got your gift.

[aprilkat.livejournal.com]

Dana, what a lovely story, ricocheting through the book plot in spurts, just the way the cousins had to interact.

The aching relief (literal!) of Pippin finding he had kept his word and he was there with Merry was so touching.

[danachan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I really do love them, and I am glad I have a chance to write this story. And, really, thank you -- I'm very glad you liked it.