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lotr_sesaFrom dd-b-daughter
For fadesintothewest
Blueberry kisses
PG13 Mild swearing, male/male pairing
Maedhros/Fingon The beginning of their Relationship
As soon as Nolofinwes firstborn had learned to walk around on his own, he was unstoppable. No furniture he would not climb on, or crawl under, no task he would not try and no item he would not attempt to use himself. As a result his parents learned to tend burns and cuts, bruises and bumps as a routine. Another activity he had happily engaged in was following around members of the family. His favorite target from an early age had been his cousin Nelyo. As a young boy he actually had to run to keep pace with his cousins wide steps, so Nelyo would slow his pace or pick the young one up. When he grew older Cano would flip and run around him, tell him stories or ask him questions. And Nelyo would always encouraging him in his way. He rejoiced in Canos enthusiasm, his positivity and the steadfast affection he bestowed on the people around him. Many thought that his over-boarding energies would grow less with growing up, but in his early adolescence he would still fool around on his chair, babble more about his various adventures at the dinner table, than pay attention to the food. Gesture with his hands and arms and occasionally a fork, until his brother started throwing bread at him. His family, teachers and friends cherished his excitement as much as his goodnatured humor or his curiosity to try out new things. Nothing could keep him sitting quiet for long or from running off with his cousins. It became even worse when he turned off age and was allowed to stay up late for the many festivals that were hosted in Tirion. The traits Nelyo valued most about his dearest friend, were his honesty, his appetite for adventure and his joy for life. So when Cano started to acting strange, avoiding his cousins, excusing himself from festivals and spending far to much time alone, it was matter of duty for Nelyo to find out why.
„Where do you think your going?“ Nelyo called after his cousin, when they were level. „The music just started." „I don´t feel like dancing tonight, Russo.“ Cano tried to explain while walking a little faster. “Its way to crowded in there tonight. I rather finish that book you borrowed me last week. The authors writing style is truly....“ „Bollox“, Nelyo cut him off.“ If i want to discuss literature I ask my brother, or yours, or one of our cousins.“ „What do you want to discuss than“, Cano asked, unconvincing cheerful,“music patterns and philosophic questions?Don´t you have brothers for that too?” Nelyo did not miss the bitter undertone and decided to act rather than continue their fruitless talk. The corridors leading to the great hall were full of the courts lords and ladies, along with a hoard of servants engaged in their duties. This was no place to have a private conversation. He took Canos arm and headed for a plain door in a sideway near by, pushed it open and dragged his cousin inside.They should be more undisturbed in there.
This evening went not according to plan. Not at all. He had cursed inwardly when his cousin had come after him. His own attempt to keep their conversation light and trivial has apparently not worked either, he realized when Nelyo shoved him away from the main corridor. The door felt shut and he was lead through a dim lit, wide room full of heavy hight worktables and packed cupboards. It was one of the secondary kitchens, still warm and sweet smelling, from the preparations for tonights feast, but clean and empty. Beside the two of them.
When they had reached a place in the back of the room, half shielded by cupboards and for away enough from the door not to be overheard, Nelyo stopped and let go of his cousins arm.
„If you are hungry, you should have eaten more at the bankett, instead of sweet talking with that lady in the green dress.“, Cano tried to joke, but it still sounded not genuine. „Eating is important for you“, he tried to save the conversation, „you would look rather weird loosing weight.“ It was true, while all of Finwes descendants were slender, the line of feanaro was heavier build. Even the twins had recently started to build muscles in all the right places. They were all still lean, but as one who would spare regularly with his Feanorian cousins he could tell they were massive. Nelyos height balanced his weight perfectly. He was graceful, bud solid as a rock. Well-shaped indeed. Much too often he caught himself marveling at his cousins beauty. Especially seeing Nelyo in motion. Sparring, riding, running, dancing, everything a feast for the eye.
„Are we doing a starring contest with the floor tonight“, Nelyo asked ironical when his cousin avoid to look at him .“If so, you could have told me, I could participate.“ The silence began to stretch. Nelyo knew his cousin well, Cano could not take the heavy silence for long. His cousin was direct, forward and problem solving orientated. And Nelyo knew. He just had to wait for the silence to become more unsettling than the topic his cousin avoided.
„I know that I have acted strange lately“, Cano started slowly, calculating each word. „And i know that it upsets you, among others.“ He felt Nelyos eyes on him, but could for the love of Eru not bring himself to meet his gaze. „I want things to be the way they were”, he continued, “i like my life, our lives, the way it was.“ He swallowed hard and twisted the hem of his tunic between his fingers. He was not good at talking around a problem. His father often said that he would be a wonderful host some day, but a terrible diplomat „I have things, that i must learn not to do, when i really want to do them, but feel bad about that and regret it, but have not yet learned how.“ „That means”, he added quickly, “ I do not do these things, I am not sure how I could, but I thing about how and thats driving me crazy, because I will not actually do them ever.“ Another awkward silence and Nelyo burst into fits of laughter. „You should definitely study linguistics with Curvo and Rato, because I don´t understand what they are talking about either.” Cano felt a light blush rose to his cheeks. This was so damn confusing and he desperately wanted to talk to Nelyo the way he used to all his life. Right to the core of the problem, no pretending, no misunderstandings.
Calm again Nelyo stepped closer to him and laid his hand on the back of Canos head. Still fixing his eyes on the floor, he could not help but shiver when Nelyo laid his forehead against his own. The fingers in his hair rubbed soothing circles on his neck. Several minutes past in silence before Nelyo spoke. „I do not know what troubles you Finno, but i know that you are strong enough to overcome it.” Nelyos voice was incredibly gently and he smiled when Cano dared to look up into his face. They had always been close, since the day Cano had start to talk. At every opportunity Nelyo had made time to look after his cousin. When he was playing in the gardens of Tirion or the great halls in the palast Nelyo would visit him. He would drop by between his lessons or teach him something new. All this time, when Cano had trouble with something or someone, Nelyo would not leave him alone until he was able to solve it. „You are so dear to me”, Cano whispered shakily. „Than do not shut me out”, Nelyo pledged. “Let me help you with your troubles. This is what friends and family are for.” Slowly Cano nodded. „Thats my Finno”, Nelyo said pleased and released his holt. “Leave sulking and brooding for others, we will work it out.” Cano wrought another smile and attempted to sit on the surface of the nearest table „As the son of a craftsman i must strictly scold you that sitting on a workbench is highly undue”, Nelyo informed him with fake haughtiness, while inspecting the nearest board. „And since I have really not eaten much I will help myself to something tasty while you tell me who's ass we´re about to kick.” „I am not sure about the origins of my current problem”,Cano admitted, “but a large part of it is my own fault.“ Coming back with a hand of nuts and blueberries Nelyo said cheerful,“ than i have to kick your ass. Every time the next 100 circles if you need to. Now tell me what mischief have you done this time. It can hardly be worse than the stuff you came up with before”, Nelyo mussed. “Thinking of it you were quiet a little rascal.“ “And you and your brothers certainly had a bad influence on me“, Cano answered laughing.„Your father surely claims its the other way round“, he added as a bitter afterthought. Strugging his shoulders, Nelyo brushed it off, “We still be less often in trouble then my younger siblings. And if necessary we can parade as the responsible, shining examples of the oldest sons our fathers like to have.” „My father surely wants me to act this way, but yours had never cared to be the shining example for anyone. He pretty much does what ever the fuck he wants, does´t he?” “What a filthy vocabulary you have for a young prince”, Nelyo said amused while leaning against the workbench munching the sweet berries. “That I also learned from your side of the family, Russo“Cano argued. “And don´t try to deny it. Your brother Telkyo knows more swearwords than all the black-smith combined.” “There was an incident some weeks ago” Nelyo remember with a soft chuckle,” when Ambarussa used a very rude word during their lessons and the teacher demanded to know what servant had seen it fit to use such an unappropriated word around the royal family and they had just stated: `Our Amme´”. Cano joined in Nelyos laughter. “Poor Nerdanel”, he said emphatic, “knowing how much your family like to tease.” Shaking his head Nelyo felt obliged to correct, “Only the people we love.” Thinking back on all the little fights and jests that came and went in the house of Finwe, Cano felt a new wave of sadness.
“Why do things have to change between us?” “What do you mean?”, Nelyo asked worried. “Nothing will change between us. You are my Finno and I am your Russo till the end of days.” Looking upon the still heart-rending sadness in his cousins eye he added softly:” Are you afraid that we will drift apart and become formal like our fathers. That will never happen, Finno. Not you and I.“ “But it´s already happening Russo.”Cano sign. ”How long is it since we have talked for hours or spend an entire circle in the woods.” “We have of cause more obligations now, than back when you were young”, Nelyo agreed. “But that does not change the essence of our friendship. We do not need to see each other every other day to be close.” When that failed to lift up Canos mood, he assured him: “I can make more time for you, if that is what ails you. I can reschedule my day so we can meet for a glass of wine or to spare more often. We can make it work.” “What when we get married and have kids.” Cano said miserable. “Than we will see each other next to never, except for formal obligations.” “What on Arda gives you the idea that I seek to marry?” Nelyo wondered amused. “Let alone to have kids.”“ It seemed obvious.”Cano started to tell. “You are the eldest son of the crown-prince. You adore your younger brothers. And many a wonderful maiden hopes to catch your affection.” “ Well, all that is true.” Nelyo admitted with a frown. “But did you ever took into count that this is the exact reason why I value my freedom.” When Cano gave him a puzzled look, his cousin explained. “Soon all my brothers will be mature. Half of them already making plans for their future lives. I never had as much time, space and choices available to me as now. I will not give up that new freedom soon, just to take up new responsibilities. Even those who promise to be worth it, can wait at least a couple of centuries. I am not in a hurry to bind myself.” he finished with a nod, “How about you Finno?”, he teased. “Already making plans to propose?” Blushing Cano shook his head. “I do not mind to marry and raise children of my own, but there is so much I want to do while I am young. There is no obligation for me to choose my wife now and for that I am grateful.” Nelyo had not noticed that he had hold his breath when he had asked his question. Signing happily he resumed,” So, stating that we are both currently not plan to sire families of our own and that we can and will always make time for each other. Will you please, please be my old Finno again?”
“There is something else”, Cano said quietly. “Something I have done, that still embarrasses me.” “What ever it is, I will not judge you”, Nelyo said earnest. “You are the most honest person I knew. What ever you have done, and I doubt it will be half as terrible as you think, I have your back. Together we will set it right. Now tell your biggest pal in the world what ails you.” “For some time now”, Cano confessed, “ I spend a lot of time, ohm, daydreaming. At first it happened only occasionally, fleeting and vague. But it is intense now and very detailed.” “Do you mean you re-sieving visions, like our cousin”, Nelyo asked with a frown. “No, not like that”, Cano hurried to correct. “More private, sensual dreams.” “Erotic fantasies. Thats your problem?”, Nelyo asked astonished. Nodding, Cano felt the blood returning to his cheeks. “It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know were this suddenly comes from.” Laying a hand on his shoulder Nelyo said in his best tutor voice: “My dear boy, now that you are old enough to drink your wine without water, there are certain things you should know. There comes a time for every boy when his body starts to change and the blood will start to sing in his veins. But don´t worry this is pretty natural and nothing to be confused about.” Than he could no longer hold back the laughter. Pushing his friend away Cano felt his cheeks heat up more. “You pompous idiot. I don´t need ´the talk`. I had the talk ages ago. I know that having fantasies is normal, its the person I feel attracted to that made me feel creepy. Especially around you. I do not want this to come between us.” After scanning his face for a moment nelyo smiled. “Relax Finno, do you think you are the first person to tell me that. If I felt offended or ashamed every time someone confesses something like that to me I would barely leave my room anymore." “And you really feel comfortable about that?”, Cano needed to know. “I always feel very guilty when I paint those scenarios in my head”,he added,“because they often come uncalled for. It makes me feel kind a dirty around you.” “My sweet finno, stop worrying that you could ever repel me”, Nelyo reassured him.“Its fine, imagine all you want. My father is a very attractive man after all.” “Your..your father”, Cano repeated shocked. “You thought I am fantasizing over Feanaro. Eru, now I could really need a cup of wine.” “Well, obviously I was mistaken”, Nelyo observed amused. “It sounded like a good explanation for your more than unusual behavior.”
Deciding that he couldn't possibly feel more embarrassed than he already was, Cano informed his cousin: “It´s you. I think of you. Of doing things with you.” “You think on me when you touch yourself?”, Nelyo asked surprised. There was something showing in his eyes,like curiosity, but deeper. Nelly seemed neither upset nor disgusted so Cano dared to explain a little further. “In the beginning it was only fleeting images among others. Bud they extend and became more specific over time. Taking more and more room in my head.” Running a nervous hand through a strand of hair he recalled:“I tried to change them, but there is no specific other person I am drawn to and so my visions would return to conjure your face, your body, your voice ....” He shut his mouth quickly. He had no intend to share details with Nelyo and while he spoke scenes unfolded in his mind. Scenes that never failed to stirred his passion, to evoke coiling heat to settle in his gut and his cheeks. Shewing some more almonds Nelyo pondered over this new informations. Than he stated the most unlikely thing Cano could imagine. “I had fantasized about you too in the past few years. Not all the time, but occasionally.” With a loop side grin he added: “And in a pretty detailed and naughty way as well. It is no surprise, on my behalves, that we are attracted to each other. We are close, but different. We touch a lot und we trust each other. Maybe it is healthy to have this dreams,” he said with a frown. “Otherwise there might grow tension between us. Things we could not talk about, feelings that we could not express any longer, shame or fear. I never want this to happen to us.” And with a warm smile he proclaimed: “If you enjoy doing thinks with me in your dreams, good. I do that too. We are both grown men. We both do not wish to bind just jet. And this frivolous thoughts do not harm anyone. Its a really good solution, Finno”. “But I do not want to touch you in my dreams”, Cano said frustrated and add before Nelyo could interrupt,” I want to touch you in real life. I do not want to touch myself, I want you to do it and I do not want to imagine what your lips feel like on mine, I want to know it.” Closing his eyes he signed.“This is not harmless and playful anymore for me, this is real. I am longing for you.” A heavy silence followed. Avoiding Nelyos gaze Cano slide of the workbench. How he wished he had never started to enjoy and explore this thrilling dreams in the beginning. He knew his obsession with exploring aspects of life that were unknown and challenging to him. Far outside the room Cano still heard the noises from the ongoing festival. When had his life become so difficult.
A soft noise, crisp in the thick silence between them,returned his attention to Nelyo. His cousin had put the remaining snacks from his hand on a plate. Seeking his gaze Cano felt himself shudder at the look upon his cousins handsome face. While Nelyo was composed and jolly most of the times ( he would much less likely throw a tantrum over minor problems than even Macalaure, who was considered the calm and reasonable Feanorion by most) once he decided something was worth getting upset over, he could be more stubborn, demanding and unreasonable than any of his brothers. And Cano had the feeling that they had reached that point just now. “I will not let anything destroy what we have, Finno”, Nelyo declared calm but with steel in his voice. “You are, apart from my parents and brothers, the closest friend I have. If your desire for me is making you feel uncomfortable around me, we will make that stop.If you can not act around me like you used to because you cant help wanting to kiss me, than we will do something about it. I will not let this come between us. Do you understand?” And he reached for Canos hand and pulled him over, so that they stood face to face. Letting his fingers brush over Canos lips he whispered: “If you cant help but need to kiss me, than by all means do it. Kiss me until you get tired of it. If you cant deal your fantasies any longer, than for Erus sake share them with me.” Lifting his jar to lock their gazes he claimed “But do not push me away just because there might be consequences. This is unbecoming you and its not what our friendship is about.” Pondering Nelyos dangerous, yet tempting offer, Cano made up his mind quick. There was no way this strange longing would just dissolve. Nelyo was not disgusted by the idea of Canos touch. And more than anything else he wanted to know what it felt like. Stepping closer until there was no more than multiple layers of fabric between them he wound a hand in the unbraided strand in Nelyos neck to pull down his head. Stretching to get level with his cousins face, he felt his heartbeat flutter in his chest. Nelyos face was only inches away, a hot breath ghosting over his face, long lashes closed over bright grey eyes. Nelyo waited for him to make the final move. The best way out is always through, Cano thought and closed the distance between their lips. The moment their lips touched, his eyes closed and time froze for a second. Than slowly, he began to moved his lips. This was so new. Not that neither of them had kissed before, only never each other. Cano could paint Nelyos face down to the last freckle and Nelyo could always tell how his cousin felt by looking on the way he moved or how he held his head. But this was unknown territory for both of them. Cano felt his cousins hand moving to the small of his back and he leaned a little into him. Nelyos lips felt very good under his, warm, soft and dry. In his dreams it was always so easy, passion would flare out of nowhere and within seconds they were touching bare skin. This was a bit more changeling, but Cano was a known expert for pushing his boundaries. Adding a little more pressure to his lips he placed his other hand on Nelyos hips. His cousins hand came up to cup his face, the thump gently caressing his cheek. Reassured by the caress Cano decide `no risk, no gain´ and opened his lips a bit. Soon Nelyo followed and he felt the first wetness on their lips. His hand wound in the copper strands to pull his friend closer in the kiss. Pressing his knee between his cousins legs he leaned in closer until their bodies were so close that he could feel the warm of Nelyos body thought the fabric. Eager to taste more he let his tongue flicker over the soft upper lip. And again, a bit more demanding over the underlip. None of them were good in going slow, but this was important and they wanted to do it right. Pulling back a bit to see if his cousin was still content to explore this he waited for Nelyo to look at him.
Like most his brother Nelyo had kissed a lot since his adolescence. He enjoyed it and gave freely when he felt attraction for someone. But this was very different. This was Finno, his Finno. He wanted to make this good for his cousin. Something he could look back upon with joy. But the Cano from his fantasies and the young man before him where quiet different in their need. This was no insecure boy with large eyes who begged to be seduced. His cousin had a clear idea what he wanted and Nelyo found himself more than willing to comply. Looking at his face Nelyo could tell that Cano was still holding back. Brushing a strand from the slightly flushed face he smiled and whispered: “I like what you do Finno. Show me more of what you want to do with me.” And Cano needed no further encouragement to continue his ministration. Kissing and teasing his cousins full lips. The hand on his back urged him closer and Nelyo shifted so he could better fit between his legs. Pressed against his cousins body like that Cano could not help to imagine how this would feel like if they were undressed. The thought drove him to finally part Nelyos lips and explored the wetness of his mouth fully.
“This is marvelous”, Nelyo thought feeling his cousin overcoming the last restrain. He allowed his cousin to plunder his mouth extensive, before taking his turn. The hand on his hip had started to stroke down at the side of his tight, to dug not overly gently in the muscle their. Upon hearing the first soft mourn from his cousin, Cano became bolder in this. Soon their lips were swollen and their clothes in disarray. Nelyos hand on his back had slowly moved down, coming to rest on his ass. Urging him, not too subtle to grind against his cousins spreed tights. The need to touch bare skin and expend the kiss, to leave bruises on his cousins pulsing neck,washed over Cano with the might of a storm wave.
Shakily he pulled away from his cousin to calm his breath. This was scarcely the right place. The door could not be locked and if any of the guest or a servant would caught them in a clearly compromising situation Feanaro would drag his son to the other end of Aman just to make sure they were not secretly seeing each other. His own father would cringe with the idea that his son had been caught making out with Feanaros eldest, in a kitchen, while his family was hosting a feast on top of it. When he felt steadily enough to speak again he said breathless: “We better stop here, Russo. I do not trust myself not to tear your clothes apart if we continue.” “And I would not care to stop you”, Nelyo said smiling. Seeing his often so composed and elegant cousin with swollen lips and flustered, strands of his hair in disarray, his eyes clouded with desire, left Cano ache with the need to see him come further undone. To make him plead and moan under his touch, to find out every way to cause him pleasure and to mark every bit of that glorious body as his. Shivering he made another step backwards. His body was so alive with want and joy, yet there was no way for them tonight to go further. “There will be other opportunities”, Nelyo said gently, sensing his cousins struggle. “I like how it feels to be with you”, he said and reached over to brush his fingers over the red lips, that had felt so delightful prying on his only minutes before. “And I want to explore it further. We will find ways to be together. As friends and lovers”, he added when Cano still looked miserable. “And see it like that,” he chuckled, “you have a lot of feed for your fantasies now.” “ Yes”, Cano had to admit, “this had certainly not make them any less intense.” “But now you can be sure”, said Nelyo, raising his brow and smiled in a very suggestive way, “when you lay in your bed, touching yourself and imagine how it could have continued from here, I I will do the same in mine.” “That is indeed an improvement”, Cano laughed, “even so it was not my intent to share my suffering with you.” “Let me ensure you that I have not suffered a minute from your touch", Nelyo said affectionally, "nor will I ever. And as for sharing your longing with me, I am more than grateful for this addition to our friendship. I don´t thing that it will cause us grief in the days to come, but makes us stronger. As I said earlier this day: What ever happens, together we will work it out.”
For fadesintothewest
Blueberry kisses
PG13 Mild swearing, male/male pairing
Maedhros/Fingon The beginning of their Relationship
As soon as Nolofinwes firstborn had learned to walk around on his own, he was unstoppable. No furniture he would not climb on, or crawl under, no task he would not try and no item he would not attempt to use himself. As a result his parents learned to tend burns and cuts, bruises and bumps as a routine. Another activity he had happily engaged in was following around members of the family. His favorite target from an early age had been his cousin Nelyo. As a young boy he actually had to run to keep pace with his cousins wide steps, so Nelyo would slow his pace or pick the young one up. When he grew older Cano would flip and run around him, tell him stories or ask him questions. And Nelyo would always encouraging him in his way. He rejoiced in Canos enthusiasm, his positivity and the steadfast affection he bestowed on the people around him. Many thought that his over-boarding energies would grow less with growing up, but in his early adolescence he would still fool around on his chair, babble more about his various adventures at the dinner table, than pay attention to the food. Gesture with his hands and arms and occasionally a fork, until his brother started throwing bread at him. His family, teachers and friends cherished his excitement as much as his goodnatured humor or his curiosity to try out new things. Nothing could keep him sitting quiet for long or from running off with his cousins. It became even worse when he turned off age and was allowed to stay up late for the many festivals that were hosted in Tirion. The traits Nelyo valued most about his dearest friend, were his honesty, his appetite for adventure and his joy for life. So when Cano started to acting strange, avoiding his cousins, excusing himself from festivals and spending far to much time alone, it was matter of duty for Nelyo to find out why.
„Where do you think your going?“ Nelyo called after his cousin, when they were level. „The music just started." „I don´t feel like dancing tonight, Russo.“ Cano tried to explain while walking a little faster. “Its way to crowded in there tonight. I rather finish that book you borrowed me last week. The authors writing style is truly....“ „Bollox“, Nelyo cut him off.“ If i want to discuss literature I ask my brother, or yours, or one of our cousins.“ „What do you want to discuss than“, Cano asked, unconvincing cheerful,“music patterns and philosophic questions?Don´t you have brothers for that too?” Nelyo did not miss the bitter undertone and decided to act rather than continue their fruitless talk. The corridors leading to the great hall were full of the courts lords and ladies, along with a hoard of servants engaged in their duties. This was no place to have a private conversation. He took Canos arm and headed for a plain door in a sideway near by, pushed it open and dragged his cousin inside.They should be more undisturbed in there.
This evening went not according to plan. Not at all. He had cursed inwardly when his cousin had come after him. His own attempt to keep their conversation light and trivial has apparently not worked either, he realized when Nelyo shoved him away from the main corridor. The door felt shut and he was lead through a dim lit, wide room full of heavy hight worktables and packed cupboards. It was one of the secondary kitchens, still warm and sweet smelling, from the preparations for tonights feast, but clean and empty. Beside the two of them.
When they had reached a place in the back of the room, half shielded by cupboards and for away enough from the door not to be overheard, Nelyo stopped and let go of his cousins arm.
„If you are hungry, you should have eaten more at the bankett, instead of sweet talking with that lady in the green dress.“, Cano tried to joke, but it still sounded not genuine. „Eating is important for you“, he tried to save the conversation, „you would look rather weird loosing weight.“ It was true, while all of Finwes descendants were slender, the line of feanaro was heavier build. Even the twins had recently started to build muscles in all the right places. They were all still lean, but as one who would spare regularly with his Feanorian cousins he could tell they were massive. Nelyos height balanced his weight perfectly. He was graceful, bud solid as a rock. Well-shaped indeed. Much too often he caught himself marveling at his cousins beauty. Especially seeing Nelyo in motion. Sparring, riding, running, dancing, everything a feast for the eye.
„Are we doing a starring contest with the floor tonight“, Nelyo asked ironical when his cousin avoid to look at him .“If so, you could have told me, I could participate.“ The silence began to stretch. Nelyo knew his cousin well, Cano could not take the heavy silence for long. His cousin was direct, forward and problem solving orientated. And Nelyo knew. He just had to wait for the silence to become more unsettling than the topic his cousin avoided.
„I know that I have acted strange lately“, Cano started slowly, calculating each word. „And i know that it upsets you, among others.“ He felt Nelyos eyes on him, but could for the love of Eru not bring himself to meet his gaze. „I want things to be the way they were”, he continued, “i like my life, our lives, the way it was.“ He swallowed hard and twisted the hem of his tunic between his fingers. He was not good at talking around a problem. His father often said that he would be a wonderful host some day, but a terrible diplomat „I have things, that i must learn not to do, when i really want to do them, but feel bad about that and regret it, but have not yet learned how.“ „That means”, he added quickly, “ I do not do these things, I am not sure how I could, but I thing about how and thats driving me crazy, because I will not actually do them ever.“ Another awkward silence and Nelyo burst into fits of laughter. „You should definitely study linguistics with Curvo and Rato, because I don´t understand what they are talking about either.” Cano felt a light blush rose to his cheeks. This was so damn confusing and he desperately wanted to talk to Nelyo the way he used to all his life. Right to the core of the problem, no pretending, no misunderstandings.
Calm again Nelyo stepped closer to him and laid his hand on the back of Canos head. Still fixing his eyes on the floor, he could not help but shiver when Nelyo laid his forehead against his own. The fingers in his hair rubbed soothing circles on his neck. Several minutes past in silence before Nelyo spoke. „I do not know what troubles you Finno, but i know that you are strong enough to overcome it.” Nelyos voice was incredibly gently and he smiled when Cano dared to look up into his face. They had always been close, since the day Cano had start to talk. At every opportunity Nelyo had made time to look after his cousin. When he was playing in the gardens of Tirion or the great halls in the palast Nelyo would visit him. He would drop by between his lessons or teach him something new. All this time, when Cano had trouble with something or someone, Nelyo would not leave him alone until he was able to solve it. „You are so dear to me”, Cano whispered shakily. „Than do not shut me out”, Nelyo pledged. “Let me help you with your troubles. This is what friends and family are for.” Slowly Cano nodded. „Thats my Finno”, Nelyo said pleased and released his holt. “Leave sulking and brooding for others, we will work it out.” Cano wrought another smile and attempted to sit on the surface of the nearest table „As the son of a craftsman i must strictly scold you that sitting on a workbench is highly undue”, Nelyo informed him with fake haughtiness, while inspecting the nearest board. „And since I have really not eaten much I will help myself to something tasty while you tell me who's ass we´re about to kick.” „I am not sure about the origins of my current problem”,Cano admitted, “but a large part of it is my own fault.“ Coming back with a hand of nuts and blueberries Nelyo said cheerful,“ than i have to kick your ass. Every time the next 100 circles if you need to. Now tell me what mischief have you done this time. It can hardly be worse than the stuff you came up with before”, Nelyo mussed. “Thinking of it you were quiet a little rascal.“ “And you and your brothers certainly had a bad influence on me“, Cano answered laughing.„Your father surely claims its the other way round“, he added as a bitter afterthought. Strugging his shoulders, Nelyo brushed it off, “We still be less often in trouble then my younger siblings. And if necessary we can parade as the responsible, shining examples of the oldest sons our fathers like to have.” „My father surely wants me to act this way, but yours had never cared to be the shining example for anyone. He pretty much does what ever the fuck he wants, does´t he?” “What a filthy vocabulary you have for a young prince”, Nelyo said amused while leaning against the workbench munching the sweet berries. “That I also learned from your side of the family, Russo“Cano argued. “And don´t try to deny it. Your brother Telkyo knows more swearwords than all the black-smith combined.” “There was an incident some weeks ago” Nelyo remember with a soft chuckle,” when Ambarussa used a very rude word during their lessons and the teacher demanded to know what servant had seen it fit to use such an unappropriated word around the royal family and they had just stated: `Our Amme´”. Cano joined in Nelyos laughter. “Poor Nerdanel”, he said emphatic, “knowing how much your family like to tease.” Shaking his head Nelyo felt obliged to correct, “Only the people we love.” Thinking back on all the little fights and jests that came and went in the house of Finwe, Cano felt a new wave of sadness.
“Why do things have to change between us?” “What do you mean?”, Nelyo asked worried. “Nothing will change between us. You are my Finno and I am your Russo till the end of days.” Looking upon the still heart-rending sadness in his cousins eye he added softly:” Are you afraid that we will drift apart and become formal like our fathers. That will never happen, Finno. Not you and I.“ “But it´s already happening Russo.”Cano sign. ”How long is it since we have talked for hours or spend an entire circle in the woods.” “We have of cause more obligations now, than back when you were young”, Nelyo agreed. “But that does not change the essence of our friendship. We do not need to see each other every other day to be close.” When that failed to lift up Canos mood, he assured him: “I can make more time for you, if that is what ails you. I can reschedule my day so we can meet for a glass of wine or to spare more often. We can make it work.” “What when we get married and have kids.” Cano said miserable. “Than we will see each other next to never, except for formal obligations.” “What on Arda gives you the idea that I seek to marry?” Nelyo wondered amused. “Let alone to have kids.”“ It seemed obvious.”Cano started to tell. “You are the eldest son of the crown-prince. You adore your younger brothers. And many a wonderful maiden hopes to catch your affection.” “ Well, all that is true.” Nelyo admitted with a frown. “But did you ever took into count that this is the exact reason why I value my freedom.” When Cano gave him a puzzled look, his cousin explained. “Soon all my brothers will be mature. Half of them already making plans for their future lives. I never had as much time, space and choices available to me as now. I will not give up that new freedom soon, just to take up new responsibilities. Even those who promise to be worth it, can wait at least a couple of centuries. I am not in a hurry to bind myself.” he finished with a nod, “How about you Finno?”, he teased. “Already making plans to propose?” Blushing Cano shook his head. “I do not mind to marry and raise children of my own, but there is so much I want to do while I am young. There is no obligation for me to choose my wife now and for that I am grateful.” Nelyo had not noticed that he had hold his breath when he had asked his question. Signing happily he resumed,” So, stating that we are both currently not plan to sire families of our own and that we can and will always make time for each other. Will you please, please be my old Finno again?”
“There is something else”, Cano said quietly. “Something I have done, that still embarrasses me.” “What ever it is, I will not judge you”, Nelyo said earnest. “You are the most honest person I knew. What ever you have done, and I doubt it will be half as terrible as you think, I have your back. Together we will set it right. Now tell your biggest pal in the world what ails you.” “For some time now”, Cano confessed, “ I spend a lot of time, ohm, daydreaming. At first it happened only occasionally, fleeting and vague. But it is intense now and very detailed.” “Do you mean you re-sieving visions, like our cousin”, Nelyo asked with a frown. “No, not like that”, Cano hurried to correct. “More private, sensual dreams.” “Erotic fantasies. Thats your problem?”, Nelyo asked astonished. Nodding, Cano felt the blood returning to his cheeks. “It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know were this suddenly comes from.” Laying a hand on his shoulder Nelyo said in his best tutor voice: “My dear boy, now that you are old enough to drink your wine without water, there are certain things you should know. There comes a time for every boy when his body starts to change and the blood will start to sing in his veins. But don´t worry this is pretty natural and nothing to be confused about.” Than he could no longer hold back the laughter. Pushing his friend away Cano felt his cheeks heat up more. “You pompous idiot. I don´t need ´the talk`. I had the talk ages ago. I know that having fantasies is normal, its the person I feel attracted to that made me feel creepy. Especially around you. I do not want this to come between us.” After scanning his face for a moment nelyo smiled. “Relax Finno, do you think you are the first person to tell me that. If I felt offended or ashamed every time someone confesses something like that to me I would barely leave my room anymore." “And you really feel comfortable about that?”, Cano needed to know. “I always feel very guilty when I paint those scenarios in my head”,he added,“because they often come uncalled for. It makes me feel kind a dirty around you.” “My sweet finno, stop worrying that you could ever repel me”, Nelyo reassured him.“Its fine, imagine all you want. My father is a very attractive man after all.” “Your..your father”, Cano repeated shocked. “You thought I am fantasizing over Feanaro. Eru, now I could really need a cup of wine.” “Well, obviously I was mistaken”, Nelyo observed amused. “It sounded like a good explanation for your more than unusual behavior.”
Deciding that he couldn't possibly feel more embarrassed than he already was, Cano informed his cousin: “It´s you. I think of you. Of doing things with you.” “You think on me when you touch yourself?”, Nelyo asked surprised. There was something showing in his eyes,like curiosity, but deeper. Nelly seemed neither upset nor disgusted so Cano dared to explain a little further. “In the beginning it was only fleeting images among others. Bud they extend and became more specific over time. Taking more and more room in my head.” Running a nervous hand through a strand of hair he recalled:“I tried to change them, but there is no specific other person I am drawn to and so my visions would return to conjure your face, your body, your voice ....” He shut his mouth quickly. He had no intend to share details with Nelyo and while he spoke scenes unfolded in his mind. Scenes that never failed to stirred his passion, to evoke coiling heat to settle in his gut and his cheeks. Shewing some more almonds Nelyo pondered over this new informations. Than he stated the most unlikely thing Cano could imagine. “I had fantasized about you too in the past few years. Not all the time, but occasionally.” With a loop side grin he added: “And in a pretty detailed and naughty way as well. It is no surprise, on my behalves, that we are attracted to each other. We are close, but different. We touch a lot und we trust each other. Maybe it is healthy to have this dreams,” he said with a frown. “Otherwise there might grow tension between us. Things we could not talk about, feelings that we could not express any longer, shame or fear. I never want this to happen to us.” And with a warm smile he proclaimed: “If you enjoy doing thinks with me in your dreams, good. I do that too. We are both grown men. We both do not wish to bind just jet. And this frivolous thoughts do not harm anyone. Its a really good solution, Finno”. “But I do not want to touch you in my dreams”, Cano said frustrated and add before Nelyo could interrupt,” I want to touch you in real life. I do not want to touch myself, I want you to do it and I do not want to imagine what your lips feel like on mine, I want to know it.” Closing his eyes he signed.“This is not harmless and playful anymore for me, this is real. I am longing for you.” A heavy silence followed. Avoiding Nelyos gaze Cano slide of the workbench. How he wished he had never started to enjoy and explore this thrilling dreams in the beginning. He knew his obsession with exploring aspects of life that were unknown and challenging to him. Far outside the room Cano still heard the noises from the ongoing festival. When had his life become so difficult.
A soft noise, crisp in the thick silence between them,returned his attention to Nelyo. His cousin had put the remaining snacks from his hand on a plate. Seeking his gaze Cano felt himself shudder at the look upon his cousins handsome face. While Nelyo was composed and jolly most of the times ( he would much less likely throw a tantrum over minor problems than even Macalaure, who was considered the calm and reasonable Feanorion by most) once he decided something was worth getting upset over, he could be more stubborn, demanding and unreasonable than any of his brothers. And Cano had the feeling that they had reached that point just now. “I will not let anything destroy what we have, Finno”, Nelyo declared calm but with steel in his voice. “You are, apart from my parents and brothers, the closest friend I have. If your desire for me is making you feel uncomfortable around me, we will make that stop.If you can not act around me like you used to because you cant help wanting to kiss me, than we will do something about it. I will not let this come between us. Do you understand?” And he reached for Canos hand and pulled him over, so that they stood face to face. Letting his fingers brush over Canos lips he whispered: “If you cant help but need to kiss me, than by all means do it. Kiss me until you get tired of it. If you cant deal your fantasies any longer, than for Erus sake share them with me.” Lifting his jar to lock their gazes he claimed “But do not push me away just because there might be consequences. This is unbecoming you and its not what our friendship is about.” Pondering Nelyos dangerous, yet tempting offer, Cano made up his mind quick. There was no way this strange longing would just dissolve. Nelyo was not disgusted by the idea of Canos touch. And more than anything else he wanted to know what it felt like. Stepping closer until there was no more than multiple layers of fabric between them he wound a hand in the unbraided strand in Nelyos neck to pull down his head. Stretching to get level with his cousins face, he felt his heartbeat flutter in his chest. Nelyos face was only inches away, a hot breath ghosting over his face, long lashes closed over bright grey eyes. Nelyo waited for him to make the final move. The best way out is always through, Cano thought and closed the distance between their lips. The moment their lips touched, his eyes closed and time froze for a second. Than slowly, he began to moved his lips. This was so new. Not that neither of them had kissed before, only never each other. Cano could paint Nelyos face down to the last freckle and Nelyo could always tell how his cousin felt by looking on the way he moved or how he held his head. But this was unknown territory for both of them. Cano felt his cousins hand moving to the small of his back and he leaned a little into him. Nelyos lips felt very good under his, warm, soft and dry. In his dreams it was always so easy, passion would flare out of nowhere and within seconds they were touching bare skin. This was a bit more changeling, but Cano was a known expert for pushing his boundaries. Adding a little more pressure to his lips he placed his other hand on Nelyos hips. His cousins hand came up to cup his face, the thump gently caressing his cheek. Reassured by the caress Cano decide `no risk, no gain´ and opened his lips a bit. Soon Nelyo followed and he felt the first wetness on their lips. His hand wound in the copper strands to pull his friend closer in the kiss. Pressing his knee between his cousins legs he leaned in closer until their bodies were so close that he could feel the warm of Nelyos body thought the fabric. Eager to taste more he let his tongue flicker over the soft upper lip. And again, a bit more demanding over the underlip. None of them were good in going slow, but this was important and they wanted to do it right. Pulling back a bit to see if his cousin was still content to explore this he waited for Nelyo to look at him.
Like most his brother Nelyo had kissed a lot since his adolescence. He enjoyed it and gave freely when he felt attraction for someone. But this was very different. This was Finno, his Finno. He wanted to make this good for his cousin. Something he could look back upon with joy. But the Cano from his fantasies and the young man before him where quiet different in their need. This was no insecure boy with large eyes who begged to be seduced. His cousin had a clear idea what he wanted and Nelyo found himself more than willing to comply. Looking at his face Nelyo could tell that Cano was still holding back. Brushing a strand from the slightly flushed face he smiled and whispered: “I like what you do Finno. Show me more of what you want to do with me.” And Cano needed no further encouragement to continue his ministration. Kissing and teasing his cousins full lips. The hand on his back urged him closer and Nelyo shifted so he could better fit between his legs. Pressed against his cousins body like that Cano could not help to imagine how this would feel like if they were undressed. The thought drove him to finally part Nelyos lips and explored the wetness of his mouth fully.
“This is marvelous”, Nelyo thought feeling his cousin overcoming the last restrain. He allowed his cousin to plunder his mouth extensive, before taking his turn. The hand on his hip had started to stroke down at the side of his tight, to dug not overly gently in the muscle their. Upon hearing the first soft mourn from his cousin, Cano became bolder in this. Soon their lips were swollen and their clothes in disarray. Nelyos hand on his back had slowly moved down, coming to rest on his ass. Urging him, not too subtle to grind against his cousins spreed tights. The need to touch bare skin and expend the kiss, to leave bruises on his cousins pulsing neck,washed over Cano with the might of a storm wave.
Shakily he pulled away from his cousin to calm his breath. This was scarcely the right place. The door could not be locked and if any of the guest or a servant would caught them in a clearly compromising situation Feanaro would drag his son to the other end of Aman just to make sure they were not secretly seeing each other. His own father would cringe with the idea that his son had been caught making out with Feanaros eldest, in a kitchen, while his family was hosting a feast on top of it. When he felt steadily enough to speak again he said breathless: “We better stop here, Russo. I do not trust myself not to tear your clothes apart if we continue.” “And I would not care to stop you”, Nelyo said smiling. Seeing his often so composed and elegant cousin with swollen lips and flustered, strands of his hair in disarray, his eyes clouded with desire, left Cano ache with the need to see him come further undone. To make him plead and moan under his touch, to find out every way to cause him pleasure and to mark every bit of that glorious body as his. Shivering he made another step backwards. His body was so alive with want and joy, yet there was no way for them tonight to go further. “There will be other opportunities”, Nelyo said gently, sensing his cousins struggle. “I like how it feels to be with you”, he said and reached over to brush his fingers over the red lips, that had felt so delightful prying on his only minutes before. “And I want to explore it further. We will find ways to be together. As friends and lovers”, he added when Cano still looked miserable. “And see it like that,” he chuckled, “you have a lot of feed for your fantasies now.” “ Yes”, Cano had to admit, “this had certainly not make them any less intense.” “But now you can be sure”, said Nelyo, raising his brow and smiled in a very suggestive way, “when you lay in your bed, touching yourself and imagine how it could have continued from here, I I will do the same in mine.” “That is indeed an improvement”, Cano laughed, “even so it was not my intent to share my suffering with you.” “Let me ensure you that I have not suffered a minute from your touch", Nelyo said affectionally, "nor will I ever. And as for sharing your longing with me, I am more than grateful for this addition to our friendship. I don´t thing that it will cause us grief in the days to come, but makes us stronger. As I said earlier this day: What ever happens, together we will work it out.”
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Date: 2014-12-26 09:18 am (UTC)Ah I loved this. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My love for Fingon/Maedhros is of epic proportions and I am so happy to have this written for me! Just the perfect balance of wit, kisses and these two!
So glad you like it
Date: 2014-12-27 02:17 am (UTC)Re: So glad you like it
Date: 2014-12-27 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-31 08:48 am (UTC)